The Flavershams vs Political Correctness
by Detouredbe
Summary: What if 1897 London had the same rules about political correctness that exist today? That scene when Ratigan shows Mr. Flaversham that Olivia's been brought to the hideout might've turned out quite different.


**Like with my other drabble, "Dawson Should Choose his Friends more Carefully", this idea came up by surprise, and wouldn't settle down again till it was written. This one pokes at that scene when Olivia Flaversham stomps on Fidget's foot, when he won't let her go to her father. She was able to get away with injuring a handicapped guy, because they're in the year 1897. But what if the rules about political correctness then were as ridiculous as they are now? Read on and see what would probably happen.**

"Father!" Olivia eagerly cries, as she makes to run into his waiting arms. The bat who's locked her in his wings, however, seems to refuse to give her up. There's only one way for her to get out of his grasp. She quickly turns and stomps down on his left foot, the only one he has left,* thankfully getting the reaction she wanted. As he hops about, complaining fiercely, she runs to Hiram, relieved to be reunited with him at last.

All of that's over in a flash. Suddenly, two police-mice appear in the doorway. Making their way in, they approach the Flaversham family, tapping the daughter on the shoulder. Hiram looks up, and Olivia turns around.

"Ach! The police! We're saved!" Hiram rejoices.

Ignoring him, the constable asks, "Is your name Olivia Flaversham?" When Olivia affirms this, he says, "You're under arrest for assaulting a physically disabled person."

Hiram and Olivia both look dumbstruck. "What!" they cry together. "Now see here," Hiram begins, and Olivia protests, "But - but, he kidnapped my father and myself! He wouldn't let me go to him! That's not fair!"

"Nor is stomping on the foot of a boy who's only got one. It makes it harder for him to fight back."

"That's ridiculous!" Hiram rages, "A lad should not be fighting a wee little girl in the first place! And he _can so _fight! He wrestled me to the ground, trussed me up, and carried me all the way from my shop to here, just yesterday!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Flaversham, but the rules of political correctness stand firm. Under no circumstances is anyone with perfect physical capability to affront someone with imperfect physical capability. Now, you have the choice of paying a 50 pound fine, or else coming with us."

Olivia desperately replies, "But I'm eight years old! I don't have that kind of money!"

Hiram laments, "And I've got nothing on me at the moment, either!"

The Constable shrugs, "In that case, come along, Missie." He and the lesser officer grab a bewildered Olivia by either arm, and proceed to drag her out the door - she's too confused to put up a this, Fidget starts to laugh in triumph. Professor Ratigan, who cleverly hid behind the door when the police showed up, steps out upon realizing that his decoy to make Hiram finish up the Mousetoria robot is being taken away.

Hiram is calling out after the police for a moment, but then he stops, realizing, "At least Olivia won't have to be kept in this dank sewer."

Ratigan draws out his chequebook. "We shall see about that…" he says as he follows the police outside. Hiram comes out after Ratigan, who hands a 50 pound cheque to the police. They then thank him, before making to depart. "Wait!" Hiram cries out. "Do you mean to say that you demand that a little girl pay _50 pounds _for acting in self-defense against a bat with a peg leg, but knowing that the bat and this sewer rat who employs him are wanted criminals, you just accept the money from them and move on?"

"Well sir, we can only take care of one thing at a time, and priority must be considered. Also, for the record, calling the gentleman a sewer rat is another crime against political correctness; the correct term is 'overgrown mouse with a hard-looking set to the jaw'. That'll be another twenty pounds."

Ratigan writes out a new cheque; it'd be even worse for him to lose the engineer for the job. Plus, it would delight him to make Hiram pay him back for calling him that forbidden term, later. Mumbling, Ratigan comments, "It's at times like this that I just _love_ the law!"

After the police receive this second cheque, they release Olivia, with a final warning to be more careful and abiding of the law in future. Ratigan then has Fidget take Olivia off to the human wine bottle while he escorts Hiram back to the shed where the robot is being constructed; both Flavershams befuddled and disgusted by the unfairness and ridiculousness of the situation.

**Author's note: My my, how cruel and unreasonable the law can be! Especially when two good people get fined for small actions like that, while a criminal mastermind and his right-hand man are politely dismissed! Tsk tsk!**

*** That asterisk is because I noticed "his ****left ****foot, the only one he has ****left****," could be viewed as a double entendre; it's the only one he has left, because his other one is gone, and also the only one he has left, because you can only have one foot on the left side! This is also ignoring the fact that the artists goofed up in this scene and put Fidget's peg on the left instead of the right.**


End file.
